I guess I should start by saying What made me change, who motivated me, & how I keep going to remain fit & dedicated to health. Well in an unconventional way:
How: At the age of 14, my mother became a single parent. My father got deported (somehow permanently) and I as the oldest in the household had to step up as the second parent. I never expressed my emotions or movements, I always swept them under the rug and just kept going, I always thought emotions were a waste of energy & definitely a waste of time. We were a Jamaican family and my live in grandmother would cook huge portions for dinner, it was a sin if we wasted food because of the “starving kids in Africa” she would say. So, From 14-18 years old I gained an extra ten pounds every year. By the time my first year of College rolled around and I gained the “freshman 15,” I was about 210lbs. I slowly realized my stress release was eating, over eating, & sometimes even binge eating.
I loved being a big girl though, I didn’t care about being skinny, or what I ate. Every morning I enjoyed a Turkey bacon, egg and cheese on a bagel or An Egg and Cheese on a croissant from Dunkin Donuts with a light & sweet coffee. I probably had two slices of pizza later in the day for lunch and when fourth meal in the cafeteria came around anything fried did the trick. I would go to Wendy’s and get a Baconater meal for myself and I would finish it in less than 20 minutes every time. I couldn’t help but drink four days out of the week while in college, it was a celebration for my friends to be away from home and experiencing life on our own. All these things were fun and felt good, but were ruining my ability to stay active, productive, and happy.
So, I noticed my failure with school, I couldn’t pass class or focus. I noticed how big I was compared to the girls that guys normally went after (We were in college and I was damn near a virgin still). However, most of all, I noticed my jean size and my breast size getting bigger and bigger to the point where I couldn’t fit into Victoria Secret underwear anymore. I don’t know about others but, in my world, shopping at Lane Bryant as a 19 year old back in those days meant you weren’t cool, my grandmother did that! This is when I started going to the gym and eating less, but … by no means was I interested in being healthy.
Who: In three years I got down to 185lbs. I was happy there, it was an “acceptable thick girl weight.” This is when I met my third boyfriend, the personal trainer. See, I never had a conceited bone in my body, I thought people were people and we should be accepting of who everyone wants to be in this world. I quickly understood not everyone is so peaceful. There were constant reminders of how I could improve, things he would say about my eating habits and finally the fat girl joke.
I really and truly wasn’t motivated until I discovered he was cheating with multiple women at once while I slaved away with a full-time school and work schedule. I mean, it sucks that men are a motivating factor for women who are comfortable but I realized that was okay, men always help women in one way or another, whether we like to admit to it or not. Once I left him, I vowed to prove to him that he would regret his actions and words, Hell, I vowed to prove to every man that they would regret not treating women like the swans we can grow to become. I wanted them to understand that people are people, we can physical change and mentally change when we decide to. You can either help me grow or watch me grow but there is guaranteed growth when you are motivated! So I began my fitness and nutrition journey March of 2013 and I never stopped committing to myself since.
I didn’t start with a before picture like most people do, I just started with a planet fitness membership and the myfitnesspal application. I also used Instagram like it was a workout bible. Although it was still new, I found pages that resembled mines. It was never the women who were skinny and got fit that intrigued me, but the people that lost weight and got in shape drastically, how they did it and what kept them going. I followed pages like @fitmencook to learn how to cook the meals I liked healthier and @leti_reconstructed to figure out challenges and workouts that worked for me. I then did something big, I booked a four day trip to Vegas to celebrate my potential drastic weight change I envisioned. I gave myself three months to lose 25lbs and guess what? I did it!
How: After reaching 160lbs by myself (with the help of the world wide web of course), I wanted more, I had an ultimate goal weight of 145lbs and I didn’t want to rush getting there so I started to scale back on things slowly. One year I cut off beef and pork, the next year I cut off chicken, the year after that I became a vegetarian and then finally this year I have began my Vegan journey. People think weight-loss is quick and easy, but that’s not true at all.
I can tell you what is easy, plastic surgery, allowing yourself to be unhealthy, practicing bad lifestyle habits for inevitable internal and external body issues. Weight-loss is hard, it takes persistence, dedication, motivation, organization, and a self-love most people can’t entertain. I know from first hand experience how difficult it is, I cried every month for over eating. Sometimes I would spend a whole Sunday binge eating, over 8,000 calories in one day for no reason at all. Every time I wouldn’t stop until I’d get to a point where I wanted to throw up from the crazy amounts of food I ate that day. Then, I would try to workout extra everyday to make up for it all week long, as if I was beating myself up for being a bad girl. There are so many psychological and physical changes that come along with weight-loss, most don’t even realize how both helpful and hurtful it can be to a person. However, that’s why I am choosing to share my story.
I am going to let you guys into my world and see how I maintain now that I have reached my ultimate goal weight. On occasion I will also share stories of how I struggled with dieting and eating disorders, the adjustment to finally being fit and pretty or wanted by the opposite sex as well. I’m going to give you me the way most never got to see while I was experiencing it because I was ashamed of who I was. I didn’t share it because it was ugly to me and I never wanted people to see how ugly my life was at times, but I realize life isn’t always pretty red clean roses, those thorns are there, you just have to grow past them. That being said, This is a motivational yet informational blog, this is my story, my advice. I hope this helps …